Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Team Lithium
by Quintillus54
Summary: Drew was human, but now he's a Cyndaquil. He's here for a purpose, he knows that, but he can't remember what that purpose was... First fanfic, please read, review, and give me some ideas. Sadly, I am no longer accepting OCs, for I have way too many to deal with already. However, if I have said I'll use yours, I'm gonna keep that promise. Crappy lemon warning.
1. Chapter 1

Pokèmon Mystery Dungeon: Team Lithium

I don't own Pokèmon.

Chapter 1: Beach Party!

"Man, that's creepy," the Chikorita said to herself as she stood in front of the Wigglytuff-head shaped building. "But I'm gonna do it this time. I need to!" she stepped onto the wooden grating in front of the buiding.

"POKEMON DETECTED! POKEMON DETECTED!" a voice shouted from the grate.

"HOLY SHIT!" a yellow liquid seeped from the startled Chikorita.

"WHOSE FOOTPRINT? WHOSE FOO- AH! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!"

"Oh no!" she ran from the building and down the stairs to the crossroads as fast as she could. Which was pretty fast, considering how short her legs are. "I can't BELIEVE I pissed myself! It's so damned scary… *sigh* oh well, I'll try again tomorrow. Maybe," she said, depressed, as she walked to the nearby beach. "I wish I could be as brave as- wait, what's that?" she said to herself, seeing a strangely colored mound on the beach. There was something strange about it… as she got closer, she could make out legs. "That's a Pokèmon!"

"Ugh, can you PLEASE shut the hell up? I have a massive headache." The mound said, getting up. Turns out, it was a Cyndaquil, and it looked annoyed and confused. "Where the hell am I and where is the Pokemon?" he turned to see the Chikorita. "Oh, there you are. Now where's the loud-ass that woke me up?" he said, looking around for the source of the voice that had made his headache worse. However, he only saw the Chikorita. _Why is she so tall? Wait, is she tall, or am I short? Fuck it, I'm probably high, _he thought, thinking about what he and his friends had done the night before. _Wait a_ _minute. What exactly DID we do?_

"Uh, hey, are you okay?" the Chikorita asked him.

"Did you just fucking talk? Yup, I must be high. What the hell did I smoke? I need some more. Please, Chikorita created from my habit of doing whatever my friends hand me, tell me where I am and how the hell I got here." He was just a LITTLE worried now. His friends were too stupid to get along in life without him.

"Um… you're at the beach south of Treasure Town. I'm not sure how you got here, but I would assume you walked, right? And just so you know, I'm real."

"Real, eh. Ok then, I am either the luckiest man alive, or completely and utterly fucked. Maybe it worked… but then, where are they at? Hey, have you seen a… green… Pokèmon and a blue Pokèmon anywhere anywhere around here? And please tell me, what do I look like?" _Dammit. I can't remember much. But, if she's real, maybe we can have some 'fun'. She is pretty cute._

"Um… I need a better description than that. You look like a perfectly normal Cyndaquil to me. And, what worked?"

"A Cyndaquil? Dammit. What region are we in? Johto, Hoenn, Unova, what?"

"Wow! Where are those?! You must be an incredible explorer! You've been to entirely different regions that I haven't even heard of!" she was about to continue her ranting, but the Cyndaquil interrupted her.

"Hey! Why aren't you answering any of my questions?" He was getting very… irritated with her.

"Oh! I'm sorry! I'll just start from the beginning. I'm Crystal, a Chikorita. I live in Treasure Town, which is just north of here."

"That's not exactly the beginning, more like an introduction that I never intended to have. Whatever, my name's Drew. Is there a bar in Treasure Town? I really need a drink." Drew said, somehow not very unnerved that he was a Cyndaquil, in a place he had never heard of, and saw two suspicious-looking Pokèmon, a Zubat and a Koffing, approaching them from behind Crystal.

"HEY!" The Koffing shouted, crashing into Crystal. "You're getting robbed!" he yelled stupidly as he picked up the rock that had fallen from wherever the Chikorita had kept it. Her ass, maybe?

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?! That's mine! Give it back!" Crystal shouted at them, pissed as hell for being tackled to the ground and having her MOTHER FUCKING ROCK stolen.

"Nu-uh. Zubat, check this out. Think it's valuable?" the ball of gas asked the bat flying next to him.

"Yeah, it looks like it's worth a fortune!" the bat said in answer. "We're gonna take this and you're gonna sit here and cry about having your treasure stolen like the little bitch you are!"

"I said give it back!" Crystal yelled, getting more pissed by the second.

The Koffing spoke up this time. "Whose gonna make us? You? Last time I checked, Poison beats Grass, and there are two of us. And I doubt your little faggot boyfriend is enough to take us!"

"AHEM! Sirs, I assure you that I am in no way associated with this Pokèmon." Drew said, motioning to Crystal. "She seems a little too nice for my taste."  
"Oh really? So you're not even going to TRY to stop us?"

"On the contrary Mr…. Zubat, was it? I am going to help you." He was interrupted by Crystal.

"WHAT?! WHY-"

"Shut up," he said, cutting her off right back. "Now, do you really think that that FUCKING ROCK is worth enough to risk going to jail for? I don't, so just give her back the rock and we can all forget this bullshit, get drunk off our asses, and go find a few prostitutes. After all, it is a **CHUCKLEFUCKING ROCK**." Drew said, attempting to be diplomatic. The Poison duo looked at each other for a minute, considering this.

"NOPE!" they both yelled at the same time, getting ready to attack.

"Oh well. That's too bad," Drew said. He promptly tackled them both to the ground and proceeded to beat the living shit out of them. When he was done, and they were both thoroughly knocked out, he handed Crystal back her rock that, for whatever reason, perhaps retardation, the Poison types had deemed valuable. "Here. Told you to shut up," he said, smiling at her.

"Uh, thanks Drew," she said, smiling back. She then looked at the duo knocked out cold on the sands. "Uh, shouldn't we do something with them?"

"Yeah," he said, walking over to the Koffing. He then pissed on him and grabbed him. "You grab the Zubat. Feel free to piss on him. Let's drag these two into that cave over there. I bet they've stolen from somebody in there."

"Um… o-okay," she said, grabbing the Zubat. She did not, however, piss on him.

After they had taken the Poison type's bodies into the cave and listened to their screams for a little while, Crystal spoke up. "You know, for a second there, I thought you really were going to help them."

"Pft, no way, I'm too nice to do that."

"… Didn't you say I wasn't your type because I was too nice?"

"Yup."

"So are you a hypocrite, or indecisive?"

"Both, and proud of it."

"… Alright then," Crystal said. There was a pause in their conversation, then "Hey Drew."

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to join an exploration team with me?" Crystal asked, her eyes shining.

"… I guess. Might help me remember some shit. Maybe. And until I DO remember more, I've got nothing better to do. Hey, do they have vodka? I'm in the mood for vodka."

"Vodka?

Yeah! First fanfic DONE! It's about time too. Please read, review, and tell me how to make it better. No flames please. Why would you read it if you don't like it? Don't be a jerk, just stop reading. That always confuses me. Oh! By the way, I'm putting a lemon in the next chapter.

Quintus, out.


	2. Chapter 2

Shit. This took way too long. I'm sorry guys. With my family never leaving me alone at home, I haven't had a chance to type this. Then, when I managed to finish, I come to find that my internet had gone out. It came back on MUCH later than I expected, but here it is. Lemon warning. If you want to skip it, it's obvious where it starts.

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Team Lithium

I don't own Pokèmon.

Chapter 2: Crystal's First Time

"So, where's this 'guild' place at anyway?" Drew asked as they arrived at the crossroads from the beach. He wanted to sleep. Bad. _Fucking headaches. I hope this place has aspirin. And vodka, _he thought. _Wait, can fire types even have vodka? Won't they, like, explode or some shit?_

"It's right up those stairs. See them? On the northern crossroads. I'm really nervous about this. I've tried to do this before, but I… I was too scared," Crystal told Drew downheartedly.

"Uh-huh. What is so damned scary about joining this guild? Does it have a giant fire-breathing Gyarados guarding it or something? Or are you just a pussy?" Drew was getting irritated that they were sitting here talking when he could be in there sleeping. Or drinking. Whatever he felt like when he got up there. IF he got up there.

"No… I'm just nervous about it, that's all... But I have you with me this time, so I'm sure I can do this!" Crystal said confidently. "Maybe," not so confident now. "Oh, I can't do this. Let's go to my house and try this tomorrow, okay?" All trace of confidence was gone in a matter of seconds.

"What the fuck was that? You know what? No. You're the one who asked me to come here and help you. We're right here at the bottom of these stairs, and you're going to quit? I could have been sleeping this whole fucking time! Nope, You are NOT quitting now. Get the fuck up there," Drew decided that his work of walking ALL THE WAY to these stairs from the FUCKING BEACH was NOT going to go to waste. He didn't like work, let alone work he did for no reason when he could have SLEPT and NOT gotten a headache. This girl had taken this time out of his busy life to do her shit. He wasn't going to let her waste it.

"Um… okay, I guess you're right! I can do this!" Crystal said as she began walking up the stairs in front of Drew. It was at that point when he saw something he didn't notice before. The incredible ass on the Pokèmon in front of him.

**BEGINNING OF LEMON**

_Oh shit, _he thought. _I think I'm gonna get a- yup. There it is. Always at the worst times fucking times, _Drew was starting to get horny. It showed through his member, which was slowly beginning to get erect. _But I have a headache… fuck it. _ "Hey, Crystal, can we stop for a second? I need to, uh, do something in those bushes over there," Drew said, wondering what would happen if she saw exactly what that problem was. Being a Pokèmon, he couldn't exactly do much to hide it. No clothes and four legs make walking like an ape pretty pointless.

"Sure Drew," she said, turning around. "What do you need to do?" she said. Then she noticed. Her eyes widened and she started blushing. It was so bad, Drew wasn't sure how she had blood left in the rest of her body. "Oh… that's… uh…"

"Hey, could you help me?" Drew asked, getting brave and hopeful for a second.

"H-huh? W-well, w-w-we just m-met, a-and I've never done a-anything like that b-before, so…" Crystal was REALLY flustered at this point. Drew almost felt bad. Almost.

"Eh, it's fine. I can handle it," he said, walking over to the bushes.

"Wait! I-I mean, n-no, I can help," she was nervous, but she did kind of like Drew after he saved her from those two at the beach.

_Seriously? Make up your mind before my headache beats my boner down. _"Okay then, let's go over behind those bushes," Drew continued to walk to the bushes, Crystal now following him. They stopped once Drew thought they were deep enough. "Okay now, come here."

"Um, okay…" Crystal was nervous, to say the least. Even more nervous than she was to join the guild. Drew sat with his back against a tree, his member now halfway out and in full view of Crystal. "So… what do I do?"

"Just.. paw it, I guess? Yeah, that works. Paw it until it's completely out and hard. Don't be afraid to lick it either. Whatever you do, it'll probably feel good," Drew tried to help her put, but it wasn't doing much good. She was even more nervous than before.

"Okay.." Crystal began to rub his member, trying to make it fully reveal itself. She bent down and gave the head a lick. They somehow didn't notice, but the fire on his back began to rise.

"Ah! Yeah, keep doing that," Drew said, his member almost completely hard. Crystal bent down again and began moving her tongue along the shaft. She then began sucking the head and pawing the shaft. The fire began to get larger, not healthy for the tree behind them. "Fuck," Drew was starting to wonder if it was really her first time. _She's really good…_

"Hmm," Crystal moaned as she sucked Drew's now fully erect member. She was getting wet. The vibrations from her moans made the pleasure Drew was feeling intensify.

"Ah! Shit! I'm gonna cum…" Crystal glanced up at him confused, but continued sucking his dick. The fire was quite large now, and still unnoticed. The tree trunk had yet to catch fire yet as well. The leaves, however, were a different story… _Shit. She's so cute doing that… wait, what the hell? Why is it only 5 inches?! What happened to the other 5?! Fuck. Guess more things shrank than just my height when I became a Pokèmon, _Drew thought, somewhat pissed off. His train of thought was then cut off as he came inside of Crystal's mouth, forgetting to tell her to pull off. "AHH!" he cried out in ecstasy as he came in Crystal's mouth. The fire spiked, making more leaves catch fire. But somehow, the bark was still fine, other than some scorching.

"MMPH!" Crystal was surprised, but swallowed it all anyway. It didn't taste bad, but it did burn a little when it went down. Some had gotten onto the ground. "Drew, what was that? The stuff that came out at the end?"

"What, you never took sex ed? That was cum. You know, sperm. Semen," Drew couldn't believe she really didn't know any of this stuff.

"Oh… ok. So Drew- hmph!" she didn't get to finish as Drew brought her into a deep kiss. She quickly gave in, kissing him back. His tongue slipped out and pressed slightly against her lips. She opened her mouth to grant him entrance and he slipped his tongue inside. It pushed against her tongue and she pushed his back, deepening the kiss further. They kept this up for about another minute before Drew pulled away.

"You're turn. Lay back against the tree," he told her. She did as he asked, giving him a perfect view of her pussy. He bent his head down and slid his tongue out beginning to slowly lick her slit.

"Ah! Mmmh," she began to moan as he licked her slit slowly. "Hah, what's g-going on?" she asked. Drew smiled at this.

_She has no idea about ANYTHING sexual, does she? So fucking cute,_ Drew thought. He liked the idea of being her first time. He pushed his tongue deeper into her soaked pussy, licking up all of the juices that flowed out. He went deeper, trying his best to make her cum too.

"D-Drew, something's… something's happening… it feels so good.." She said. Then, Drew brought up his paw and began to pump it back and forth into Crystal as he licked her clit. "AH! Hngh! I-I think I'm gonna… cum!" she cried as she released her juices into Drew's mouth. Some spilled onto the ground, forming a small puddle. He drank everything that he could, licking his lips afterward.

**END OF LEMON**

"Well, that was pretty good," He said, sitting down by Crystal at the tree.

"Yeah. Hey, Drew… do you smell something weird?" Crystal asked. The smell burned.

"Well, there's a certain smell that happens with se- wait, this is different. Kinda like…"

"It's smoke!" Crystal exclaimed, looking around for the source of the smell. A small ember came from the burning leaves and fell onto her back. "SHIT! Ouch! What the hell?" She looked up to see a large amount of the top of the tree they were sitting at burning to ashes. The fire had begun to creep onto a few other trees as well. "Oh no!"

"Well shit," Drew said with an irritated sigh. "That isn't good. Well, let's find a water Pokémon or something."

"There's no need for that," came a voice from right behind them. As in, right in Crystal's ear.

"Holy shit!" Crystal yelped, scared shitless.

"The hell? Who might you be?" Drew asked the new arrival.

"I, my friends, am Will, a Mudkip," he said. The Pokémon was, indeed, a Mudkip. He had a British accent and stood with an annoying air of confidence and cockiness. Drew didn't like him. He didn't have a problem with British people, just snobs. "Would you like me to put out that fire for you?"

"Whatever, bro," Drew said casually, as if an entire forest wasn't about to burn down.

"Ignore him," Crystal said to Will. "Anyway, I'm Crystal and that's Drew. Could you please put out that fire for us?"

"Anything for a fine young lady such as yourself," he said, making Drew a little angry. He wasn't really the jealous type, and they weren't actually dating, at least to Crystal who didn't seem to think anything of them just having sex, but Drew assumed they were dating, and he didn't like other guys flirting with his girlfriend.

_Is this guy for real? _"Get on with it then," Drew said, getting really irritated with this guy. Maybe he could burn _him_ next…

"Right, right, I'll just be a minute," he said, using Water Gun on the treetops. He had all of the fire out in about three minutes.

"That was three minutes," Drew said.

"Don't be so mean, Drew, he did more than you," Crystal said coldly. Was she mad or something? What the hell?

_I don't get women. At all,_ Drew thought, wondering what had pissed her off. Was she mad about the tree? Why would she be mad about the tree? It wasn't like it affected them, and the fire had been put out before it did too much damage. Was she mad about that tiny-ass ember that hit her back? Fuck it.

"Let's go to the guild, hopefully without any more interruptions," Crystal said. That made Drew a little depressed. She seemed to like it about 7 minutes ago. What happened to make her act like this? It wasn't her period. No, he'd just seen her pussy, and as far as he could tell, it wasn't bleeding. Was it really the tree? It was just a burning tree. Nothing there to be mad about… maybe? Fuck, whatever.

"You two are going to join the guild?" Will asked.

_Oh. Shit. Hell no,_ Drew thought. He knew what was coming.

"Yeah, we are," Crystal answered. "Why?"

"Well, I was just heading there myself to join it. Mind if I come with you?" Will asked.

"Actually, we-" Drew began to object, but Crystal interrupted him.

"No, we don't mind at all!" she said, smiling.

"…"

"Well, thank you very much," Will said, walking back to the stairs.

Drew let out an irritated huff. "I don't like him."

"Too bad, he's joining our team. After that, we need a water type. What if you set a building on fire next time?"

"Well, you have a lot of faith in me, don't you," Drew said, more of a statement than a question.

"Yup!" Crystal said, smiling. Where did that coldness go? Is this girl bipolar or something?

"Come on you two, let's go," Will called to them from the top of the hill.

"Whatever," Drew muttered. His headache was back. _I need a mother fucking drink. Now. I am going to seriously injure somebody if this guild doesn't have something. At the very least, some weed. The natural stuff, not that addictive, deadly shit. Pokémon have weed, right? I'm sure they do. Maybe, _Drew thought to himself. At some point, his train of thought began to go astray, going from this to, eventually, bacon. Somehow. The group continued up the stairs, Crystal excited about joining the guild, Drew thinking about bacon and it's coalescence with the workings of the universe, and Will thinking about how Drew was probably going to burn down another building soon… Drew... familiar name, but whatever. Those Attract and Swagger TMs had really helped with Crystal. Maybe he could get her to have some fun later…

What's Will up to and why is Drew so stupid? Well, the answer to the first question is obvious, but I'm afraid the other doesn't have one. It's more of a paradox or some shit. My lemon probably sucked, mostly because I can't type lemons worth a shit. Finished this a while ago, but like I said, my internet was out. Hope you like it. I'm bringing in 2 new OCs for chapter 3. Oh, and just in case;

Attract= Makes Pokémon of opposite gender fall in love with them temporarily.

Swagger= Pisses other Pokémon off with a status effect of confusion.

Combined= Made Crystal attracted to Will, slightly pissed, and pretty confused. Made Drew pissed. His headache was too bad for confusion.


	3. Chapter 3

I hope my internet doesn't go out again anytime soon. Or, well, ever. I hated not being able to post these. Here's chapter 3!

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Team Lithium

I don't own Pokémon. Do I seriously have to put a disclaimer in every chapter? I mean, every other chapter in every other fic I've seen had this disclaimer, so is it required? Why? Do people seriously think somebody on is going to claim to own Pokémon? Whatever.

Chapter 3: The Guild! (Finally)

The three Pokémon were finally almost at the top of the stairs. "Come on you two!" Crystal yelled excitedly as she ran to the top.

"Mmmph," Drew huffed angrily, coming out of his bacon daydream and remembering his headache.

"Why is she so… happy all of the time?" Will asked Drew. He was beginning to rethink his plans. She was just too… happy.

"She isn't. I've seen her sad. Trust me, it's worse," Drew said. Any girl sad was worse than them being happy. He couldn't handle it when girls cried. It was kind of annoying. Mostly, though, he just hated seeing girls sad. It made him want to hurt whoever or whatever made them sad.

Will, on the other hand, was a bit of an asshole and did not think this way. "I doubt it. If she's crying, she's not yelling and energetic. I think I'd prefer her crying."

"You know what Will? You're an asshole. I want to hit you so fucking hard that whatever hole you crawled out of will feel it," Drew hated stuck up assholes more than anything, but this guy was worse than any he'd ever met.

"Go ahead and try it!" Will thought this fuck needed to back off and learn who was boss, even if he did just join the team and technically Drew was team leader, officially making him "the boss."

"Why are you two taking so long?!" Crystal yelled from the top of the stairs. "Hurry up!"

"… I'm going to kill you. Later though. I need sleep, alcohol, and maybe, HOPEFULLY, drugs. You got lucky," Drew really, really wanted to fight this guy, but he was tired, thirsty, and had a headache.

"Ha! Lucky! You couldn't hurt me if you tried!" Will said mockingly.

Drew turned and launched an Ember at Will's feet. Will, being a spoiled pussy-ass bitch, yelped like a small dog being kicked across a yard because it ran up to me and tried to bite my leg because my neighbors don't seem to believe in fences so FUCK YOU ASSHOLES PUT YOUR DOG IN A FENCE OR A CAGE OR SOME SHIT wow I am way off track and jumped a foot high, glaring at Drew as he turned and walked up the stairs, laughing the whole way. Will followed, deciding to save his revenge for later. "About time you two got up here," Crystal said when they reached the top.

"Well, we had some technical difficulti- is that a giant Wigglytuff head?" Drew looked at the building and decided that this was, officially, the scariest place he had ever been to in his entire life. Then he saw the totems at the sides which, again, were made of Pokémon heads, and nearly shit himself.

"I told you it was scary," Crystal said to Drew.

"You never said the place looked like the Texas Fucking Chainsaw Massacre! What the hell is this?! Tell me those aren't real Pokémon heads," Drew said, seriously about to shit himself.

"Yeah, they are. Those are real heads, not wood. This IS a guild, after all. What do you think they train you to do, Woodshop? You learn how to kill shit, idiot," Will decided to answer for her.

"What the hell…? I've killed people before, it was kind of part of my job, but we didn't put their heads on totems! We left the body lying there, or sometimes transported it for special jobs, such as leaving it on the family's doorstep, or hiding it so it would never be found, or putting it in a symbolic place. Like this one asshole religious leader that persecuted people and never got caught by the law. But we caught his ass. Me and a few of my friends killed his ass in his own church while he was praying. The client then paid DOUBLE to put him on top of his own church. Then, he decided to pay TRIPLE if we put him on his big pike with a flag symbolizing his retarded religion following some kind of rock that resembled a pile of shit. But he asked us to put him there anally. We had our weird friend do it. I think he actually enjoyed it, to be honest. But we don't put their heads on totems in front of our base!" Drew said as if that was the most unthinkable crime in the history of the everything.

"… I see… because that's so much worse…" Crystal said in a slightly frightened, slightly disgusted, mostly sarcastic tone.

"… Good point. Now what do we do to get those intimidating iron bars up?" Drew asked. The sooner he got in, the sooner he would get to eat, drink, maybe get drunk, maybe get high, and, hopefully, sleep.

"We have to stand on this wooden grate. Then, a Pokémon calls your name and you go in," Crystal told him.

"Well, I'll just go first," Will said, stepping onto the grate.

"POKÉMON DETECTED! POKÉMON DETECTED!" a voice called from the grate. "PLEASE DON'T PEE ON ME!" Crystal turned as red as a Voltorb's upper body and the two males looked confused. "WHO'S FOOTPRINT?! WHO'S FOOTPRINT?! THE FOOTPRINT IS MUDKIP'S! THE FOOTPRINT IS MUDKIP'S! NOW, STEP OFF THE GRATE! THERE ARE OTHER'S WITH YOU! SEND THEM UP!"

Crystal stepped up next. Last time, she thought she ran off before the Gatekeeper could figure out who she was, so she should be okay. Or not. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO PISSED ON ME!" Crystal turned red again.

"Nice," Drew told her.

"Um… that's… well…" Will said awkwardly. He wasn't so sure about doing her now.

"H-he scared me! Shut up!" Crystal yelled at the two.

"Yeah. That much is obvious. He scared the piss out of you," Drew said, then laughed.

"CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS?! YOU'RE A CHIKORITA! MOVE!" the voice yelled at Crystal. "SMART-ASS! GET UP HERE!" Drew, being the only one who had yet to be identified, stepped onto the grate. "POKEMON DETE- YOU KNOW WHAT?! THAT'S GETTING OLD! YOU'RE A CYNDAQUIL, AND I DON'T THINK ANY OF YOU WANT TROUBLE, AND EVEN IF YOU DID, WE WOULD FUCK YOUR ASSES UP, SO COME IN!" he told the group, and the bars lowered.

"'Bout time. I'm starving. Let's go," Drew said, walking into the building with a giant Wigglytuff head on it.

"Hey! I go first!" Will yelled childishly, running ahead into the building- and falling down the hole to the next floor rather than paying attention and using the ladder.

"Idiot," Drew told him as he climbed down the ladder. Crystal came in giggling at him.

"Nice one, Will," she said as she reached the bottom after Drew.

"You pissed yourself," was all he said before he went to sulk in a corner Chroma style.

"… Well. So how do we join the guild?" Drew asked Crystal, looking around.

"I'm not su-" she got cut off by a fucked up parrot-looking-thing that came up to them.

"WE DON'T WANT WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU'RE SELLING! GET OUT!" he yelled at them.

"We aren't selling anything. We're trying to join the guild," Crystal told him. Drew was behind her, zoned out, examining the room and the Pokémon inside of it. This was about what he was expecting. It was kind of like a stereotypical biker club that you see in movies. Everyone was all tough-looking and seemed like they wanted to fuck your shit up. Some of them had eye patches and others had MOM tattoos. It was kind of like the children's book store back in his hometown.

"Pfft, another bunch of pussies who think they have what it takes to be a member of the Wigglytuff Guild. Ha! If I had a Poké for every Pokémon that dropped out, I'd be rich by now! But I have at least 1,000, so I'm FILTHY rich! You should just leave now~," he said in a dick sing-song voice.

"Hey buddy, I am a trained fucking assassin for the fucking Mafia! The U.S. Mafia, yes, but it's still a Mafia. It's not as good as the Italian Mafia. Italians are epic. I really wish I was Italian. Nope. Parents just HAD to be American. Just saying," Drew told the asshole, getting off track as I usually so when writing this.

"I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, but if you idiots want to join so bad, whatever. Get your friend over here," the Chatot said.

"Will, stop sulking in the corner and get over here!" Drew yelled to Will.

"I wasn't sulking. I was thinking about how to kill you, fucker," Will said, walking up to them. "Are we finally joining this damned guild?"

"Only if you move your asses. Come on!" the Chatot yelled at them. He was already heading down the ladder to the next floor.

"Let's go! I want to get this over with," Drew told them, walking to the ladder.

"Right!" Crystal followed.

"Hey! I'm supposed to go first!" Will yelled, running to the ladder- and falling down again.

"You're a fucking idiot," Drew told Will as he came down the ladder. "You did it again,"

"Will, you should really stop rushing ahead," Crystal told him, giggling again.

"FUCK! SONOFABITCH! Screw ladders!" Will said. Drew looked around once again. This time, there was a suspicious-looking Croagunk standing over a pot with purple shit in it, a hole with a Loudred standing next to it, an entrance leading to what seemed to be a dining area, another entrance to what looked like bedrooms, and a door to what he guessed was the Guildmaster's room.

"Follow me," the Chatot said, walking into the room with the door.

"This is usually what happens before people get raped or molested or something. Let's go!" Drew said to the other three, heading into the room.

"Uh… okay," Crystal said, following him warily.

"I. GO. FIRST," Will said again. Drew, getting sick of him, launched another Ember at his feet. He again yelped and jumped a foot high because he is a spoiled little bitch.

"You two are idiots. But it's in a funny way, so it's okay," Crystal told the two.

"Yeah, I am. You didn't have to tell me," Drew said, smiling.

"I'm not an idi- hey! Where do you two think you're going?! I was talking to you!" Will said as the two turned and walked into the room. "Maybe I will do her, if it fucks with Drew," the asshole followed them into the room.

"About time. Guildmaster, we have three new recruits," the Chatot told the Wigglytuff that was just standing there, smiling and staring. "… Uh, Guldmaster?"

"…ZZZ…ZZZ…ZZZ…ZZZ… ZZZ…." The Guildmaster was sleeping. With his eyes open.

"That's really creepy," Drew said.

"Do NOT talk about the Guildmaster that way! He is obviously tired after a long day of managing the Guild!" the Chatot yelled. He seemed very… defensive of the Wigglytuff. Maybe these two were…

"Hey, are you and him mates or something?" Drew asked rudely.

"W-WHAT!? I have never met a recruit as rude as you! If you don't keep your mouth shut in this guild, you're gonna have a bad time!" he yelled at Drew.

"That's a meme," was his response.

"…"

"…"

"…"

Was the response he got from the three Pokémon in the room. At least, the three who were awake…

"HIYA!" the Guildmaster shouted suddenly, startling everyone but Drew, who wasn't a little wimp. "Yup, me and Chatot are mates! He's really nice on the inside, but outside he's just a really lovable grump!"

"G-Guildmaster, that's not the kind of thing you share with recruits! Or anyone, for that matter!" the Chatot said, shocked.

"Okay then, we're here to join the guild please," Crystal said.

"U-uh, right. Guildmaster," the Chatot turned to look at the Wigglytuff.

"Right. Here's your badges and your bag. Look inside!" the Guildmaster told them.

"Oh shit. I bet there's a body in there," Drew said.

"Shut up Drew," Crystal told him playfully. She opened the bag. "YES!" she shouted.

"What?" Drew asked.

"We got a Wonder Map-" a strange noise somewhat like somebody running a mallet up a xylophone rang out. "- and Ribbons!" again, the sound rang out in the room.

"Did anyone else hear that?" Drew asked them.

"Yeah, that happens a lot. You get used to it," Crystal told him.

"Well where the hell did it come from?" he asked.

"Honestly? Nobody knows," she answered. A large blue drop appeared on Drew's head.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" he yelled, hitting at it, only succeeding in making his headache worse.

"It's a sweatdrop. Another thing you get used to," Crystal said.

"Does it… does it go away?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's already gone," she told him.

"What? Oh shit, that was scary. This shit's so weird. Can we go see our room now?" Drew asked the Guildmaster.

"Yeah, go ahead. After dinner, go straight to bed and sleep. You'll need it for tomorrow," he answered. Drew didn't like the sound of that.

"Okay then… let's go," Drew began to walk to the bedrooms.

"Oh, wait!" the Chatot yelled after them.

"WHAT?!" Drew yelled back. He wanted food and sleep NOW.

"What's your team's name?"

"Lithium. That shit can make bombs," Drew answered, scaring some readers that now know that I, a 15 year old in Kentucky (one of the few that ISN'T a hick, no, I am a refined person sir gentleman), know how to make bombs.

"Okay. Just go find an empty room."

"That helps," Drew said. They began to look for a room. The only empty one out of the three was at the end of the hall. "Why is this room empty? Why are any of them empty? Does every other Pokémon here stay in those two rooms?" he asked. "Never mind. I'm tired, and I could care less. Let's go eat so we can go to bed," he told them.

"Alright," Crystal answered.

"I'll take the lead," Will said, walking to the front. The other two didn't even care anymore. They walked into the dining area, Will walking in like a king, Crystal like a child starting kindergarten, and Drew like a zombie. They got many stares. Well, Drew got stares. Crystal got smirks and whistles. Will got glares of pure hatred death murder evil shit-yourself ass-rape in the school locker room.

"Will, you're gonna die if you don't stop acting so high and mighty all of the time. Do you realize this?" Drew told him.

"Right, like any of them can take me. Ha!" Will scoffed at Drew. Suddenly, there was complete silence throughout the room. All heads turned to Will. "What do you all want?"

"Bitch please, even a baby Magikarp could take you," a high voice said from behind him.

"What did you say?" Will asked, turning around to the source of the voice. It was a small Eevee. The Eevee stared up at Will, a confident smile on its face.

"BITCH PLEASE, EVEN A BABY MAGIKARP COULD TAKE YOU!" he shouted.

"I'm gonna kick your little ass!" Will shouted back, readying a Water Gun. The Eevee quickly stepped into Will's face and bit his mouth, shutting it.

"I like this guy. A lot," Drew said, watching Will's Water Gun implode in his mouth and knock him out cold.

"Told you!" the Eevee yelled, before T-bagging Will's unconscious body.

"Uh… Hey there," Crystal said to the Eevee. "What's your name?"

"I'm Billy! How's it going?"

"Good, I guess… Are you on an exploration team too?" she asked.

"No, I'm here for the company," he replied sarcastically. "What do you think?"

"DINNER TIME! GET IN HERE!" a voice called from the end of the table. Several Pokémon rushed into the dining area, bowling the three conscious Pokémon over and trampling the unconscious asshole.

"Finally! Let's go eat," Drew said.

"What about Will?" Crystal asked him.

"What about him?"

"Heeeeeeey, I'm hungry. Let's go over there now," Billy said to them.

"I like you even more now," Drew told him, walking to the table and sitting down or whatever it is quadruped Pokèmon do. A Scraggy, whose normally red spike was black, walked up to the group.

"Hey," he said, sitting down by them.

"Hey," Drew said to him. "What's up?"

"Nothing much. You guys a team?"

"Yeah. Me, the Chikorita, and that idiot laying on the floor over there. I'm guessing you've got one too."

"Yeah, me and the Eevee."

"You and me are going to get along just fine then."

"HERE'S DINNER!" the Chimeco called from the end of the table. It passed out plates of berries and water to all of the Pokèmon sitting at the table.

"WATER?! NOOOOOOOOO!" Drew yelled over-dramatically. Everyone looked at him this time. Will sat down at the table in front of his plate.

"What did you think you'd get?" A Corphish asked him.

"I was really hoping for vodka. This is an Assassin's Guild. Why do you just have water?"

"THE HELL IS VODKA?" the Loudred asked.

"Jesus fucking Christ do you HAVE to YELL?!" Drew yelled at him. "I have a FUCKING HEADACHE! DAMMIT!"

"OOPS. I'M SORRY." He said, attempting to be quiet.

"Was that a whisper? Because I can barely yell that loud," Drew said to the asshole that wouldn't shut up.

"UH-"

"SHUT UP!" every Pokèmon yelled at once. All but Drew, who was tired of yelling and had started eating. Everyone else quickly followed suit. Will looked at the Pokemon around the table.

"You're all so damned sloppy. It's disgusting," he said. Again, everyone looked at him.

"Do you have a deathwish or something?" The Eevee asked him.

"Somebody kill him please! I'll pay you everything I have on me," Drew said. Several Pokèmon got up, "Which is nothing…," then sat back down. "Fuck."

"…," Will stared coldly at Drew.

"… The hell are you looking at? Do you want me to use Ember again? Because I will."

"I'll fight you this time!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah!"

"Really?"

"… No…"

"That's what I thought, bitch." Drew then continued eating his food. For some reason, there was no meat. At all. None. So what if it's cannibalism? They're animals, sort of. Animals eat each other all the time. Like buffalos. Wait, no, those were the badass cows…. What was he thinking about again? Bacon. That's always in there somewhere. And beer. Or some sort of alcohol. What berries do you mix for an alcoholic drink? There have to be some plants that can get somebody high. Maybe…

"Are you gonna eat that, or just stare at it?" a Bidoof asked.

"What? Fruit. No bacon. No beer. No drugs. What kind of assassins are you?" Drew said, pulling things out of his ass, making sure that he forgot what he wrote three words later and just going with it. Oh, wait, that's me, the narrator/writer guy. Well, Drew does it too!

"Hey! Quintus! Write more shit so I can go to bed!" Drew shouted at me.

"Shut up! I'm trying!"

"Try harder!"

"THEN STOP YELLING OR I WILL THROW A WHISKEY-LITHIUM-DIAMOND BOMB AT YOU! Wait, is telling the basics of the bomb illegal? No, I learned that from a chemistry book. That means it can't be illegal. Nothing in books is bad. Ever." I decided to stop there and write this story. Oh, and if you're wondering, Quintillus is a character from Greek mythology (might've been Roman) that is sometimes called Quintus. That's why. I'm stopping now. Seriously this time. Oh, but-

"Nope, me now," Drew said.

"What the hell was that?" Crystal asked him.

"I'm not sure. Just go with it."

"Okay…"

"Okay," the groups finished their… eventful meal and went to their rooms.

"Hey, looks like we've got a room with you guys!" Billy said to the group when they all walked into their room.

"Great…" Will said assholely.

"So, Scraggy, what's your name?" Drew asked.

"Tyson. Yours?"

"I'm Drew, the sexy Chikorita is Crystal, and the asshole Mudkip is Will. We're Team Lithium," Drew told him. "So, what's your story? Why'd you join?"

"I like protecting other Pokèmon. That kid," he pointed to Billy, "was in a fight with a bunch of bullies at his school. A Machop, Mankey, and Pawniard. I happened to walk by. They were holding him down and beating him. I knocked them all out in no time with Brick Break. I helped Billy up and we walked for a while. I got him some ice cream and, as we were eating, he told me he was sick of people beating him up all of the time. He said he wanted to get stronger by joining an Exploration Team. Then he asked if I would help him. Naturally, I said yes, and now, here we are."

"Damn. I hate bullies." Drew told him. "That's why I bullied bullies. So what if it contradicted me? I said I was proud of being a hypocrite in Chapter 1."

"Right… well, it's gotten pretty late. Let's go to sleep." Tyson told him, yawning.

"Yeah." Drew looked over at the others, who were already settling in, and went to lay next to Crystal.

"That was an eventful day, huh?" She asked him.

"Yeah. I lost my memory, turned into a Pokèmon, beat up some thugs, agreed to join and Exploration Team, got a blowjob, met an asshole, joined an Exploration Team, and had a very weird dinner. All in all, it was a pretty good day."

"That's what you call a good day?" Crystal asked.

"Well, I met you," and with that, he went to sleep, leaving Crystal blushing.

"…. Good night, Drew."

Aaaaand, after a long wait, here's chapter three, deleted and rewritten several times! I wish I wasn't so busy, or I could write more for you incredible, lovely, patient people. I feel pretty bad. But I hope to have Chapter 4 up soon!

Barret M107, thank you for Tyson! Aubrey, my girlfriend, thank you for Billy! More OC's to come, so if yours wasn't here, it will be. Just wait.


	4. Chapter 4

Here's Chapter 4. I just hope this one doesn't suck ass.

Pokèmon Mystery Dungeon: Team Lithium

_Okay, disclaimer. Right. Drew, you do it for me. I'm getting sick of them._

Drew: Fuck you.

_Fuck you too. Crystal?_

Crystal: Okay then… um… do I just say you don't own Pokèmon?

_Yeah, same as always._

Crystal: Quintillus54 doesn't own Pokèmon. Where the hell are you, anyway?

_I'm some great omniscient guy in the sky. I type out your life on a computer. I could kill you if I wanted. See these letters? They're shaped differently than yours. Because I'm a god._

Crystal: Okay, please type now. I want to get on with my life.

_Okay… I'm sorry…_

Chapter 4: SPOINK! Y U SO RETARDED?!

"GET THE FUCK UP NEWBIES!" a booming voice yelled at the sleeping Pokèmon. "YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE!"

"I'm gonna kill you in your sleep," Drew said to him like that really creepy guy from that one show (just imagine the scariest/creepiest voice you've ever heard in your life).

"UH… JUSTGET UP…" the Loudred said, making an attempt at being quiet… and failing miserably.

"Shut UP!" Drew yelled at him.

"…" the Loudred left the room looking sad.

"Why is everyone yelling? It's too early for that," Will whined. "I'm going back to sleep." Drew didn't like that very much. If he had to get his ass out of bed, so did Will. So he used Ember. "AH! WHAT THE HELL DREW?!"

"Get. Up. NOW," Drew said scarily. Will, being about to shit himself, got up immediately and ran for the bathroom. Which was a bucket in the corner.

"Seriously? This can't get much worse."

Crystal saw the bucket. She then looked at Will. Finally, she figured out what the bucket was for. "I'm not doing that in the same room as four guys."

"You heard the lady!" Billy yelled with his high-pitched voice. "Everyone out!" and they all left. Will tried to stay behind to peep, but Drew pounced on him from behind and beat the literal shit out of him, since he hadn't had a chance to use the… bucket… before Crystal said that.

"Where do we go?" Drew asked Tyson.

"I don't know. Let's just leave this area and see what happens," he said, walking out of the hallway.

"ROOKIES! THERE YOU ARE! YOU'RE LATE! GET IN LINE!" the Loudred yelled at them. Drew glared at him in a way that would make a grown man piss his pants, even though he's a Cyndaquil and, like Brock, never opens his eyes. The Loudred shut his mouth and faced the Guildmaster's door, terrified. Crystal came from the room and joined the group, who walked into the lines.

"When all of you are done, we can continue," the Chatot said to the Guild members. They stood there quietly, waiting. "Good. Guildmaster!"

The Wigglytuff walked out of his room. His eyes were wide open and he had an enormous grin on his face. "… ZZZZZ… ZZZZZ…"

"Oh my gosh, is he okay?" the Sunflora said under her breath.

"Hey, hey, I think he's sleeping," the Corphish said quietly.

"Standin' up AND with his eyes open, yup yup, the Guildmaster sure is somethin'" the Bidoof said in a whisper.

"Guildmaster?" the Chatot said.

"… ZZZZZ… FRIENDS!" the Guildmaster suddenly yelled. "WORK HARD AND HAVE A NICEDAY! KILL LOTS AND LOTS OF BAD POKĖMON!"

"zzz… zzz…" Tyson was now sleeping quietly, standing up. His eyes were shut though, so it wasn't creepy as fuck.

"What the hell is wrong with people in general?" Drew asked no one in particular.

"Hey, I resent that," Billy looked at him and glared playfully.

"I said in general. I didn't mean everyone. Just generally everyone." Drew said, puzzling the child. You know, because this Eevee belongs in school. He's probably not even old enough to join this Guild. Hell, I don't know. I just write the story. "GET BACK TO OUR LIVES, QUINTILLUS," Drew's obviously sick of my talking, like all of you, so, BILLY! Your turn!

"Yeah… so what do we do…?"

"HEY! Don't just stand their like morons! Follow me!" that rat-bastard Chatot yelled at them, climbing up the ladder. Why didn't he fly? Again, I just write this.

"Let's get this over with," Will groaned, following Chatot. They all climbed up after them, Tyson following shortly after Billy woke him up, with said Eevee coming behind him.

Once they were all up there, Chatot jumped into an intimate instructional conversation about the boards. I know you guys have either played the games or read other Mystery Dungeon stories, so I'll skip his bullshit. "And that's how the boards work. Now, I'll set you up with a good jo-"

"The Spoink. I want the one with the Spoink," Drew said calmly.

"Uh… Oh, yes, the one in Drenched Bluff. You'll be retrieving Spoink's pearl," Chatot said, about to say more. Fuck you Chatot.

"If Spoink doesn't have its pearl on its head, it bounces too much, making it get too excited, making its heart beat too fast, which ends in its heart bursting in its chest. I don't want that to happen," Drew said to them all.

"HOLY SHIT you have feelings," Will said, at risk of his life.

"… I'm really going to fucking kill you. You know what? You remind me of somebody, but I can't quite remember who." Drew began to think. When he started thinking, he thought hard. Most people thought he was stupid, but he was actually one of the smartest people in the mafia, and they had some smart ducking peo-. "THE MAFIA! THAT'S IT! You're Will from the mafia!" Ooooor just interrupt me.

"The mafia… Holy shit… Drew? That Drew? Damn, have you seen-"

"HEY! Didn't you say Spoink was going to die? We can't let that happen, so have this reunion later," Tyson said to them, wanting to hurry up before something bad happened to that Spoink.

"Right, let's go," Drew climbed the ladder and ran to the crossroads, the rest of the group close behind. "Now, who knows the way there?"

"Drew, you have the Wonder Map," Crystal said to him.

"Oh yeah… That way!" he pointed in the only real directon they could go to leave TreasureTown. Right.

_Time Lapse. Finally, a chance to tal-_

"Alright everyone, we're here," Drew said.

_… Damn._

"Let's save Spoink!" Billy shouted, rushing in… only to come rushing back out five seconds later. "There's a mean guy in there saying I have to pay a toll or he'll beat me up!"

Tyson looked at him. "What? Oh hell no. Wait here," and he went in. About five minutes later, he came out with a half-dead Anorith slung over his shoulder. "I took care of it. Let's go."

"Nice, man," Drew told him, walking inside. He was then confronted by a Shellos, who started rubbing against him.

"I can make you REALLY happy for just 500 Pokè," she said to him, attempting (and failing) to be seductive.

"… Maybe some other time," he told her.

"Awww, are you sure? For you, maybe just 200 p-" and she was promptly Razor Leafed.

"… Damn. Guess she pissed you off," he said to Crystal.

"Come on. Let's go," she told him, dragging him away from the stairs…

"I have several questions about this. For one thing, why are there stairs in a bluff? Also, aren't we supposed to go towards those?" Drew asked Crystal while being dragged away.

"Shutup."

"What are they doing?" Billy asked Tyson.

"Adult things, Billy. Come on, they'll catch up," Tyson answered the naïve young Pokemon, walking up the stairs.

"… Okay."

"YOU TOO WILL," he said to the asshole, who was sneaking off to peek.

"… Okay."

Now, as for Crystal and Drew…

"Are you sure?" Drew asked her. He liked to be sure of these things before anybody could call rape.

"Yes. Right here. Right now," she demanded.

"And, you're a virgin? You sure you don't wanna wait until we get back to the Guild or something? Because this isn't exactly a great place for a first time," if she wanted this THAT bad, he was gonna do it. But he'd rather be somewhere not so… wet.

"Yeah, I am. But I'm in heat, and I've been waiting for sex since the first time I went into it," she said, losing some of that dominant attitude she had gained.

_What do I like better… _Drew thought. _Domination, or submission… damn, that's a tough choice. Oh well. I'm not that in to BDSM anyway._

"So, is it alright?" she asked him. Yeah, no dominance there. Too bad, Drew. Maybe later.

_Fuck you._

Again, maybe later. Right now, you're going to fuck Crystal.

_Fine._

**BEGINNING OF LEMON**

"So, what do we do, exactly?" Crystal looked at Drew, the one with a MASSIVE amount of experience on the subject.

"Well, that depends on how you want it. I know a lot. The Kamasutra is a great thing. That's the bible of sex positions," (I decided to look this up. It was written between 400 B.C.E. and 200 C.E. For those of you who don't know what that means, 400 B.C. and 200 A.D.)

"So… what's a good one…?"

"Well, those are meant for humans, so we'll just do Houndour style."

"Oh… okay…"

"Okay, that means- look, just turn around," Drew told her. He was used to experienced French and Japanese girls. _JAPAN! THAT'S IT! No, no, this is time for sex._

Crystal turned around. Drew could see her dripping slit right in front of him. "Like this?"

"Yeah. Now, put your ass in the air."

She did what he said, not knowing shit about sex in general besides the small amount her parents had been able to teach her before… bad things happened…

"Okay, good," Drew began licking her cunt slowly, trying to get her ready. He was already there.

"Ah- AH!" Crystal began to moan loudly. This only being her second time being eaten out, it felt pretty damn good.

"Alright, now for the next part," Drew said quietly, getting on her back. He placed his member at her entrance, rubbing it gently before slowly pushing in. He had experience with virgins.

"Ah… it hurts…" Crystal said quietly, tightly shutting her eyes.

"Yeah, I know. It will for a little while. Don't worry, I'll go slow."

"Okay…"

Drew continued pushing in, reaching her barrier. "Hey, this next part is going to sting a bit."

"O-okay…" Crystal braced herself. Drew pushed hard, breaking her hymen and hilting himself.

"AAH!" Crystal yelped loudly.

"Fuck…" Drew was all the way inside, waiting for her to tell him to keep going.

"It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would…" Crystal told him, somewhat surprised. "You can keep going now."

"Alright," Drew began to slowly thrust back and forth into her.

"Mmh… ah…" Crystal began to moan again, now starting to feel good. "F-faster… please…" Drew sped up a little, now going at a steady pace. Crystal began moaning louder. "Harder…" Drew happily obliged, thrusting harder and faster now.

"Damn, you're tight…" he told her, getting close to his orgasm.

"Drew… harder!" Crystal told him, feeling her climax getting closer as well. Drew started going in much harder, moving faster. Crystal was now moaning very loudly, and Drew was sure there were Pokèmon peeping at them from behind the rocks and in the water.

"Dammit, I'm gonna cum…" Drew told her.

"Drew! Faster! Harder! Fuck me harder!" Crystal was now yelling. "I-I'm gonna cum!"

"Fuck… me too…"

"AAAHH! Crystal cried out, hitting her orgasm hard. Drew pulled out and quickly moved in front of Crystal. She started sucking on his throbbing member.

"I'm cumming, Crystal…" Drew told her, blowing his load in her mouth. She swallowed what she could, but some spilled out, dripping to the ground. She then collapsed, Drew sitting down, then laying on his back nect to Crystal. "That was fun."

**END OF LEMON**

"Yeah… can we do it again soon?"

"Sure. Whenever you like. Now, I have to kick some pervert's asses," Drew got up. All of those perverted assholes started running… in the same direction… in the narrow hallway… "Idiots," Drew mumbled, firing embers at them all. They fainted almost immediately after being hit. Some just fainted from running, because they were lazy bitches that did nothing but masturbate all the time. (I mean, even I can last longer than that, and I have no life whatsoever).

"Drew, we should catch up with Will and the others," Crystal came up behind him and said.

"Right. Let's go," they started walking to the stairs… only to be stopped by an asshole Lileep. "The fuck do you want?"

"Your money," he told Drew.

"Oh, bitch, I'm gonna kill you," and that's what he did. I'll leave out the details, but basically, that Lileep became a black spot on the ground and a smoldering heap of burnt flesh.

"… Damn…" Crystal said as Drew walked back to her.

"Oops," Drew said in a sarcastic, uncaring manner. "Well, we can go up the stairs now," he led her up a floor… to find their friends and Will (heh) laying on the ground, out cold. They looked around. "Perfect. A Monster House," Drew promptly took to spewing fire from his back, burning any enemy within ten feet of him.

"Was that Lava Plume? How do you already know Lava Plume?" Crystal asked him, dumbfounded.

"Well, I'm a badass, so that's how… Okay, I had no idea what I was doing," Drew told her. "I just kind of made my fire bigger. I'm not even sure if it was technically a move."

"Hm… that's unusual for a Pokèmon to be able to focus their energy so well at such a low level…" a random Pichu appeared next to them and said.

"So how was I able to do it?" Drew asked, not the least bit surprised by him.

" Well, are you sure you're a normal Pokemon?" the Pichu asked.

"No, I'm not. So, what's your name?"

"I'm Max. You?"

"Drew. Good to meet you."

"Likewise. So, are you here for Spoink's pearl?"

"Yeah. I'm guessing you're here for the same reason?"

"Yeah. Your friends aren't very good at battling, are they?"

"Tyson's great, as far as I've seen, but Will and Billy? Well, Billy's a kid (heh) and Will… well, he's just an idiot."

"Ah. Can we drug him?

"YOU HAVE DRUGS?! CAN I HAVE THEM?!" Drew begged. He needed drugs NOW. He hadn't been high in DAYS.

"Uh… sure… here's some meth…" the Pichu said, holding some out for him.

"… Meth…? METH?! THAT SHIT CAN KILL PEOPLE! I NEED WEED, MAN! MARIJUANA, THE NATURAL SHIT!"

"Okay, okay. Once we get back to TreasureTown, You can come to my garden."

"You… have a garden? I love you, man," Drew was happy as a giraffe with night-vision goggles (you know, like the commercial… I suck).

"What… happened?" Tyson asked, waking up. Billy and Will got up, too.

"You got knocked out in a Monster House. Those assholes jumped you," Drew told him. "Now, I'm getting bored in here, so let's just get this pearl and leave."

"Right," Tyson said. The group, along with their new temporary member Max, began heading up through the floors to the pearl. They encountered a surprisingly small amount of Pokèmon along the way. They made it to the top of the bluff where the pearl was sitting perfectly in the center/back of a small circular area.

"How the hell fif he just lose this thing? And how is it centered this perfectly? This world makes no sense," Drew said, wishing he were back in his bed at the Guild.

"I know, right?" Will said.

"Shutup Will. I don't care about what you have to say," Drew told him, picking up the pearl. "Now, these badges will teleport us out, right?"

"Yeah, we just have to shine them on ourselves and whoever else we want to bring," Crystal told him. They all pulled out their badges and returned to the Guild, where Spoink was already waiting, bouncing all around like a bouncy ball some kid threw in a small area, except he showed no signs of stopping. Drew quickly pounced on him and placed the pearl on his head.

"HOLY ARCEUS THANK YOU! You saved my life!" he said to Drew. "Take this!" He handed him 2,000 Pokè.

"Damn. Thanks, man," Drew looked at the money and thought _If this is the pay, I can do this job._ The Spoink thanked Drew again and left.

"Now, for the Guild's cut," the Chatot hopped over to Drew and took 1,800 Pokè.

"Dude… not cool," Drew said.

"Well, consider it payment for your training, food, and bed."

"I don't need the damned training! I need fucking money!" Drew yelled at him.

"Too bad. Go eat, now," the Chatot told Drew.

"… Whatever…" Chatot walked away.

"Drew, you gave up pretty easily," Billy told him.

"Nope," Drew pulled out all 2,000 Pokè.

"How did you do that?!" Billy exclaimed.

"Well, I would teach you, but I'm a really bad influence, so you shouldn't listen to me," Drew began to think of all the ways to spend the money. _Drugs, alcohol, gun- wait, they don't have guns here. Fuck._

"Well, good job, Drew. Let's go eat," Crystal said to him, then to the group.

"YEAH!" Billy shouted, rushing down the ladder. The group followed behind him. Max went back to his house in TreasureTown.

_Let's skip the dinner part and go to bed, shall we? I mean, what is there to write about. They ate food._

"So, that was a fun day," Drew said to them all as they walked into their room.

"Yeah, and we a fuck-ton of money," Billy, who probably shouldn't use those words yet, laughed. Just then, Max walked in with a small wooden box.

"Hey Drew, check this out," Max opened the box to show that it was filled to the brim with weed.

"Oh. My. ARCEUS. You are my fucking savior!" Drew said to him, immediately running off to grab some paper, which was the best thing he could find to roll the weed up in. When he came back, he wuickly rolled up five joints, Embered one, and began the process of getting so high, he could see Charlie the Rainbow Unicorn pooping rainbows and vomiting peach soda into the fountain of eternal psychedelia. His group just watched him, including Max, since he just grew marijuana and made other drugs to drug others for fun. And that is fun. Believe me, it is.

"Is it really that good?" Crystal asked, seeing how incredibly elated Drew was.

"YEEEAAHHTRY… SOME!" Drew told her.

**_5 Minutes Later_**

"CHAAAAARLIE! GIVE ME PEACH SODA! CHAAAARLIE! GIVE ME PEACH SODA!" Drew, Crystal, Will, and Billy chanted. Tyson and Max had left the weed-smoke-filled room so as not to get high. Which, I don't know why. Weed isn't addictive, it helps to fight sickness, it kills cancer cells, it makes you feel incredible, and to overdose, you have to smoke more than your body weight (and to get that much weed, you have to either be Bill Fucking Gates or a baby in a very rich, very high family). And those are just a few things. Also, it doesn't kill brain cells, like people say it does, and it doesn't cause you to drive unsafely. In fact, you're so high, you'll actually be driving 20 miles per hour at most. But it's federally illegal in the United States, which makes no sense, but that means I can't (legally) do it. My neighbor is awesome. The cops have been over so many times for him. He's old, and doing great. He built his own fucking coy pond with a waterfall taller than him in his own backyard. If that doesn't prove that weed doesn't kill brain cells, I don't know what does, because he probably would've injured himself in some way if it had killed them. Bur enough about weed, back to the story.

"Hey Drew," Crystal said to the now sleeping Cyndaquil. "What's peach soda? And what's a unicorn?" she asked before falling asleep as well, with Will and Billy not far behind. Tyson slept over at Max's house that night.

SOOOOOO! I know this took forever, and I'm sorry. I've been suffering from depression, stress, anxiety, and an insane amount of soreness. Also, a large lack of motivation, and inspiration. And a lot of procrastination. But I'm now on antidepressants, so I feel better than ever! I'll post more often now! I hope. See you next time.

Quintus, out.


End file.
